For someone i love who doesn't love me back!

Alam ko na alam mo sa simula pa lamang ay may paghanga na ako sa iyo.

Siguro sa simula ay parang laro lang ang lahat ngunit unti-unti nang nahulog ang puso ko sa iyo. Pala tawa ka kasi at napakabait mo pa. Gusto ko rin ang pagka-inosente mo sa mundo dahil parang kahit simpleng bagay lang ay nagiging masaya tayo. Palabiro ka rin. Natatandaan ko pa nga na palagi mo akong inaasar dahil mataba ako o malaki ako. Sabi mo "double" o dalawa ang count ko sa tuwing bilangan kung iilan ang kailangan o iilang slots. Tinawanan ko lang ang mga iyon dahil sana'y na ako sa mga ganoong biro. Di ko na lang pinapatulan dahil alam kong wala rin namang patutunguhan. 

Yun na nga, para sa akin, naging sweet ka. Oo, naging maayos ang pakikitungo mo sa akin. Nakakatawang isipin na naging asuuming ako sa lahat ng pagkakataon. Na sa tingin ko ay mali. Oo, mali na isipin kong ganun, na merong patutunguhan ang lahat. 

Alam ko naman na sa simula pa lamang ay mas papaburan mo ang babae kesa naman sa akin. Bakla na nga, mataba pa tapos panget. Alam ko kasi na sa huli, babae pa rin ang hahanap-hanapin mo. Tama rin naman kasi ang ganoon kasi lalaki ka. Ako naman talaga ang mali. 

Siguro masyado lang akong naapektuhan. Siguro masyado lang din ako nag assume at nag-expect.

Sabi ko nga noon sa isang text message ko sa yo na "Alam kong darating ang panahon na mahahanap mo ang para sa iyo, pero ngayon na wala pa, pwede ako muna?" ngunit wala kang sinagot.

Nagpumilit pa rin ako ngunit wala eh, siguro hanggang kaibigan na lang talaga ang turing mo sa akin. Hindi na maglelevel-up ang lahat lahat. 

 Kaya nga sinubukan kong kalimutan ka.

Isang gabi anim na taon na ang nakakaraan, napagkasunduan namin ng dalawang ko pang kaibigan na mag-away away dahil sayo. Ang tanga ko noh? Nakakatawa dahil parang kaming baliw. Nahiya ako sa sarili ko dahil sa mga pinag-gagagawa namin. Alam kong nag-alala ka noong mga panahong iyon at doon rin anman nagkagulo ang lahat o di kaya'y kami lang ang nanggulo.

It was not really part of the plan. siguro kaya may nadadag rin sa inyo o sila na ang kasa-kasama ninyo at kaming tatlo ay naiwan. (This is my side of the story kaya walang kokontra.) Feeling ko kasi na na-leleft behind kami dahil na rin siguro dahil naging irregular ang status namin.

Noong mga panahong iyon sabi ko na kakalimutan na talaga kita. Naging okey ang takbo ng "pagmomove-on" ko dahil minsan lang tayo magkita o pag nagkakasalubong ay di na tayo nagpapansinan at kahit sa text ay wala na. Siguro choice mo din yun, Saka nga pala, sorry! 

Dumaan ang mga araw, nabalitaan ko na lang na nagkaroon ka nga ng girlfriend. Sabi ko na okey lang dahil atleast ngayon masaya ka na. Sabi ko rin naman kasi na wala naman akong grudges na nagka girlfriend siya dahil unang una ay wala akong karapatan at isa pa, wala rin naman siyang paki-alam sa akin. Kaya ayun. Sabi ko sa mga naging matalik kong kaibigan na wag nalang i-brought up yung topic baka kung anu lang ang mangyari. Sinabi ko yun in a manner of a joke pero sa totoo lang masakit. Pero unti-unti ko namang kinalimutan ang lahat. Kahit unti-unti ay nakapag move on ako.

Bakit kasi pinapa-complicate ko yung mga bagay-bagay. Kung sinabi ko noong i love you, mag i love you too kaya? Ay teka, sinabi ko kaya yan noon. Pero ang sagot mo lang ay "Salamat".

Ganun ba yun talaga? Nagiging tanga pag na in-love? Wait, na-inlove nga ba ako? (i'm hindering myself ulit) 

Maibalik ko lang, matapos ang ilang taon na hindi pagpansinan o pagsama sa mga lakad o gimik, naging okey ako. Nawala ka na sa isip ko. Kaya naman naging mapanatag ang loob ko. Ngunit nitong mga nakaraang araw,  Nung magkrus ang landas natin ulit sa di inaasahang pagkakataon. Naging close ulit tayo. Nag-usap kahit na medyo awkward at nakitawa sa mga biro ng kasama natin. (Actually, di ko expected na ganoon ang mangyayari dahil noong panahon na trina-try kong i-text ka o i-chat sa FB ay wala kang response, Alam mo bang nakaka-sad ang ganun, palagi nalang left behind.) Kaya naman natawa ako sa nangyari ngunit di na ako umaasa. Ang dami kayang babae at bakla ang umaali-aligid sayo at may lakas sila na landiin ka. 

Ay wait, may ikwe-kwento pa ako, ayun, nung magkita tayo ay nanghina ako. Oo, nanghina ang mga tuhod ko dahil finally, nag smile ka sakin which is bizarre at that moment. Kinabahan akong muli. Naalala ko ang mga panahon na matalik pa tayong magkaibigan. Yung mga masasayang alaala na alam ko para sa iyo ay wala lang. Kaya naman narealize ko na palagi nalang 1-way ang pag-ibig ko. Mag-isa lang akong umiibig. Walang reply o feedback. Pero, alam mo, okey lang. 

Ginusto ko kasi yun. Choice ko yun. Wala akong dapat na pagsisihan sa desisyon kong ibigin ka. Tatanga-tanga kasi ako, Mahina. at higit sa lahat, walang bilib sa sarili.  

miss you letter 1

Dear Papa,

                From now on, I will constantly write you a letters. Maybe this is a sort of update of what is happening with me here in Samar. Maybe this can also be a form of reminder that I will be always here cheering for you and supporting you all the way through. I will always be the kind of son that is so proud of his father. No matter what happen will love you.

                You called today, November 19, 2012 at exactly 10:50. It was not a long conversation since you are going to the site and you just tried to call me but it is so sweet. Hearing your voice from my cell phone definitely brought me to that moment when all my nerves felt euphoria. It has been months since the last time you call but you regularly sent me message every Sunday reminding me to go to Mass by sending the responsorial psalm of that day. I always feel your presence here with me even if we’re miles away. I remember a movie which tells that a person leaves his scent in this world from the places he have been through, and if another person feels that scent then they are connected in that certain place and time. I feel your scent all the time. I know you’re here with me all the time.

                I heard you cry over the phone. It’s quite obvious that you’re crying even when you said that you didn’t burst into tears. I was teary eyed for the moment, I suddenly remember the time you accompany me to the bus station and as soon as the bus leaves for Samar I notice that I was crying in my sit. The woman next to me started giving me tissue. My point was even in a short span of time that you were away, I already missed you and ate Loucel, ate Joy, Mikmik, Kristine and baby Aliyah. I miss every moment, things and stuff we’ve shared even in good and bad times. You never want us to suffer in pain and rejection that is why you always do your best to give us good life.

                I want to tell you more but I guess that is the reason why I need to send you letters. Be healthy always. God never forgets us. We are blessed in our own way. I know you sacrifice so much for us and that is why I’m doing my best for you, for our family, my sisters and brother and to God. I am okey here, don’t worry about me here I just get to my emotional side sometimes. I love you and I miss you.

Your Loving Son,

JC

Nawawalang Likha

Nag iisang cotton tree sa amin.
Napaka ganda kung susuriin.
Napakahirap linisin ng mga iniwang bakas.

Walang hangganan ang paglikha
Lahat ay nakapaloob sa isang bilog na bagay.
Walang katapusan,
Dahil sa paglikha,
Walang ikaw at ako,
Wala tayo.
Walang away at walang pagbabati
Walang katahimikan, wala ring ingay.
Walang inggitan at wala rin bigayan.
Isang marikit na mundo,
Ngunit unti unti nang nasusupil
Unti unti nang nawawala.
Parang isang abo na hinipan ng hangin.
Parang isang bula na bigla bigla nalang mawawala.
Isang mundong dati ay puno ng kulay,
Puno ng masasayang alala na mistulang paru parong nagsiliparan
Puno ng mahihiwagang halakhak na hindi matapos tapos.
Isang nawawalang mundo.
Isang paraisong naging abo.
Isang alamat.
Isang buhay na minsang naging masaya
At ngayon at nababalot na ng sakit at pagdurusa.
Isang ibong dati ay malaya.
Isang himig.
Isang mundong di makakalimutan kailanman.

KOPYA MULA SA WEB

 MUST READ THIS!
tooot... tooot.. toot.. loading for informations!
here is my first web hook-up lesson...

CREATIVE WRITING!

I’ll be focusing on creative fiction in this post (mainly short stories and novels), but poetry, (auto)biography and creative non-fiction are all other forms of creative writing.

Here’s a couple of definitions:

Creative writing is writing that expresses the writer’s thoughts and feelings in an imaginative, often unique, and poetic way. (Sil.org – What is Creative Writing?) 

Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals. (Don DeLillo) 

Writing of any sort is hard, but rewarding work – you’ll gain a huge amount of satisfaction from a finished piece. Being creative can also be difficult and challenging at times, but immensely fun. 

How to get started

Many people think that just because they’ve read a lot of stories (or even if they haven’t!) they should be able to write one. But as Nigel Watts writes: There is a common belief that because most of us are literate and fluent, there is no need to serve an apprenticeship if we want to become a successful wordsmith. … That’s what I thought until I tried to write my first novel. I soon learn that a novel, like a piece of furniture, has its own set of requirements, laws of construction that have to be learn. Just because I had read plenty of novels didn’t mean I could write one, any more than I could make a chair because I had sat on enough of them. (Nigel Watts, Teach Yourself Writing a Novel) 

By all means, if you’re keen, jump straight in and have a go: but don’t be too disappointed if your first efforts aren’t as good as you’d hoped. To extend Watts’ metaphor, you may find that these early attempts have wonky legs and an unsteady seat. 

There are lots of great books aimed at new fiction writers, and I’d strongly recommend buying or borrowing one of these: Wannabe a Writer? (Jane Wenham-Jones) Teach Yourself … Writing a Novel (Nigel Watts) How to Write Fiction (and Think About It) (Robert Graham) On Writing (Stephen King) I’d also recommend starting small. Rather than beginning with an epic fantasy trilogy, a family saga spanning five generations, or an entire adventure series … have a go at a short story or a poem. And if you end up chewing your pen and staring at a sheet of paper, or gazing at a blank screen for hours, try kickstarting your writing with a short exercise. Don’t stop to think too much about it … just get going, without worrying about the quality of the work you produce. 

Tips and tricks for beginners (LIKE ME! finally)

 Do some short exercises to stretch your writing muscles – if you’re short of ideas, read the Daily Writing Tips article on “Writing Bursts” (maybe i'll post this one too). Many new creative writers find that doing the washing up or weeding the garden suddenly looks appealing, compared to the effort of sitting down and putting words onto the page. Force yourself to get through these early doubts, and it really will get easier. Try to get into the habit of writing every day, even if it’s just for ten minutes.  

If you’re stuck for ideas, carry a notebook everywhere and write down your observations. You’ll get some great lines of dialogue by keeping your ears open on the bus or in cafes, and an unusual phrase may be prompted by something you see or smell. 

Work out the time of day when you’re at your most creative. For many writers, this is first thing in the morning – before all the demands of the day jostle for attention. Others write well late at night, after the rest of the family have gone to bed. Don’t be afraid to experiment!  

Don’t agonize over getting it right. All writers have to revise and edit their work – it’s rare that a story, scene or even a sentence comes out perfectly the first time. Once you’ve completed the initial draft, leave the piece for a few days – then come back to it fresh, with a red pen in hand. If you know there are problems with your story but can’t pinpoint them, ask a fellow writer to read through it and give feedback. 

HAVE FUN! Sometimes, we writers can end up feeling that our writing is a chore, something that “must” be done, or something to procrastinate over for as long as possible. If your plot seems wildly far-fetched, your characters bore you to tears and you’re convinced that a five-year old with a crayon could write better prose … take a break. Start a completely new project, something which is purely for fun. Write a poem or a 60-word “mini saga”. Just completing a small finished piece can help if you’re bogged down in a longer story.

 SOURCE: http://www.dailywritingtips.com/creative-writing-101/