OVERDUE

It has been a long and overdue feeling I keep on hiding inside me. The feeling of being alone, rejected and alone again. *sigh* it has been months since I’ve been feeling this way. I don’t know what is happening but this keeps my creative mind blocked so that’s why I can’t write and think straight. It’s all a blur. Many things go round and round my mind. Many questions have sprouted from a single thought yet their re no answers. Long I’ve been searching for my happiness. I’ve been searching for those things that will give me or bring back those pure and genuine laugh, those giggles and smiles. It’s been messing my life.

One time, I have this emotional breakdown yet I can’t cry because it will make things worse. I can hardly smile even when my friends are there. Why? Why this things are happening to me? I’m struggling with living this life and I am sure that this note will have the same topic over and over again.

I’m alone. That’s a fact. I’m nobody. That’s how I feel right now. I keep on blaming someone for my loss and that’s unfair. I should be liable with all my actions and wrongdoings. Am I making wrong choices? But who decides whether its right or wrong? I think my life is in a mess right now.

Let’s set this straight. My Father came home to the Philippines months ago and finally decided to work here in the Philippines but not here in our province but in the city. I am in Samar, which is my province and I live with my mom, who’s currently working as an employee at an NGO which loans and gives help to farmers. And judging the facts given, she’s not always home because she’s in the field working and going through rural areas to reach rural farmers. That’s why I’m alone. Literally. My siblings are at Luzon right now. They’re residing in Laguna, Los Baños to be exact, while my other sister is in Mandaluyong working as a hospital Nurse. See my situation?

I don’t know what other people might think but we’re separated indirectly. Is that a good point? Maybe no but some will say yes. But as for me, my mind didn’t make a decision yet. Let’s just wait for days to come. Final examination is coming up so I better work hard to pass my subjects.

So, goodbye for now.